When plans don’t go according to plan!

I had booked the tickets back in January. I had made a plan to go back to the states for Michael’s graduation, to see Courtney, Shane, friends and to finally get to scatter Todd’s ashes. I would go for three weeks. When I made the plan I was just going for my medical appointment at the prefecture and I thought certainly all of my other visa commitments would be done before my May 17th departure date. I would surely be at the point that when I came back to France in early June I could get my renewal dossier put together and submitted before my mid-June deadline.

Then the initial integration contract appointment didn’t come until March 31st and after it would be the commitment for 4 separate days at the prefecture all of which needed to be completed before I would meet the requirements for a multi-year visa renewal.

The first three days were scheduled at the contract appointment on the 31st with the 3rd day not being scheduled until May 13th. With my 17th departure looming, during my first day at the prefecture I inquired about the timing. I was told that on the 3rd visit I should email the prefecture and they would help me schedule the 4th day in time for my renewal. I completed the first two days and thought, I am going to send an email now just to see if anything was possible since I was worried about the upcoming trip. In that email, I explained my renewal timing and the importance of getting back to the states for my son’s graduation. To the French, family is everything and this showed in the reply that I received. I received an empathetic reply and the confirmation that nothing could be done until I completed that 3rd day but additionally, I received information on the dates available for the 4th day that were before my renewal timing. I also received the assurance that if I completed the 3rd day and emailed straight away that they would do their best to help with the scheduling.

So armed with this new information I began to gently reset expectations with my children that I may not be able to stay in the US as long as I had originally planned.

On May 13th, I completed my 3rd day and emailed about scheduling the 4th day. For the 4th day you have an option to do a professional day or a social day so I included my preference. The professional day teaches you all about workers’ rights and how to look for a job in France. Since I am self-employed and won’t be looking for a job, I requested the social day. When I received the reply about an hour later I was told that the social day that had previously been planned for early June was cancelled because they didn’t have enough people for it but there was a date at the end of June beyond my renewal timing However, I was offered a professional day that was possible at the beginning of June. I confirmed the professional day and changed my plan.

I would need to return to France after two weeks. After checking on some logistics about where Todd’s ashes would be scattered, I texted Michael to talk through the options for that since it too would not have worked out even if I was able to stay longer. So we agreed to a later trip home for me and to take care of that in the fall.

Since during this trip I would also be shipping my remaining belongings, I needed to confirm what company that I was going to use and when I would have time to get everything out of storage, repacked and ready for pickup.

I also wanted to have a few days with the kids when there was no other logistics happening so we could just focus on catching up and being present with each other.

The trip to the US was uneventful and within 24 hours I needed to make a flight to Charleston and back to take care of some business, the next morning I woke up with a head cold, exhausted and with my friend’s home where I was staying filled with everything from my storage unit that needed to be sorted and repacked. It was not a pretty situation. At that moment I knew that I just needed to give myself some grace and take care of what I could each day and trust that by the end of that next weekend when all my kids made it to town that I would be through the worst of it and could relax with them.

Day by day, I made progress while treating cold symptoms hoping that I would eventually get the upper hand. By Sunday everything was packed other than some things that my son was planning to take back with him.

The first trips home when making a big move like this are bound to still contain some “to do list” items from the move, It is really important to manage expectations particularly your own. I have a tendency in these situations to set the expectations of myself very high and then have to back off of it a bit when reality starts to remind me that I am not superhuman.

As I sit here today, back in France, prefecture obligations complete and my visa renewal application submitted I can reflect back and while I would not have changed anything in that part of the plan. I would have done a better job of managing my own expectations and that of others. I wanted to see friends, but that didn’t happen. I wanted more time with my kids but I did the best I could. Sometimes when faced with reality you just have to change your plan.

I love questioning everything, I love managing change, it is what I do for a living, helping others through change in addition to how change shows up in my own life.

Questioning things, examining, looking for the best options allows us to effect change in our life, it allows us to change our story and change our own reality.

The following are a few questions that you may want to ponder in your own journal, morning commute or mid-day walk.

• Is there a plan that you are currently attached to that reality is pushing you to change?
• Why are you not changing the plan? Are you afraid of disappointing someone? Yourself perhaps?
• What expectations do you have of yourself and others related to the plan? Do any of these expectations need to change?

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In case you missed it, I am nervously planning the launch of a YouTube channel. It is called Renee Jenais, yes, the same name that I have been writing this blog under. The translation in French means Renée I am born! This channel is going to be about me telling my story of rebirth in France, the journey to me building a meaningful life in France and how I have had to change the story I tell myself to allow me to finally choose my dream and take courageous steps every day to see it come true.

I hope that you will consider following me also over on YouTube and sharing that channel with anyone you think would enjoy it when I launch it. If you follow me here, you will be notified when it goes live.

Take care of yourselves. The photos that I am including here are from the lovely Airbnb property that I was staying at when I returned to France. A fabulous place and such beautiful gardens. I hope you enjoy them, and they help you to know that whatever it is that you dream of it is absolutely possible, if you choose it.